Comedy Challenge | Are You Funnier Than Jake?

I’m a big fan of comedy, but like with anything there are certain styles I prefer to others. I’ve never been one to judge another comedian’s selection of material per se, but I will point out when a performer is relying too heavily on gratuitous F-bombs and by “gratuitous” I mean the F-bomb makes up a majority of your dialogue.

But that’s not what this particular blog is about. This one is about what is commonly referred to as “potty humor” or in some circles “shit” jokes. Not a big fan, but sometimes they can make you laugh. I am a big fan of the theory that as comedians we’re only guessing and the audience is the judge, so if the audience is laughing consistently, leave it in.

The reason I bring up this particular topic is that a couple of my favorite comics: Jake and Rob are currently involved in a little competition that deals with “potty humor”. But I find it very funny and I have participated in the competition. Jake, known world over for his crassness, called Rob one night and said: “I took a shit so big it had a tail number!” (referring to an aircraft) This was played over Rob’s speakerphone and everyone in the room started to laugh. It became a game and everyone—even the ladies in the room, (most were comedians)—wanted to play along. So we all tried to outdo one another as to who could come up with the funniest line, based on the phrase: “I took a shit so big…”

I realized that despite the fact that it was potty humor, it was an excellent exercise in using contrasting elements to create humor. The game has even traveled outside our circle as other people have “texted” us with their versions.

Jake was recently re-crowned king of the shit jokes when he image-texted me this picture in the middle of the night: The caption attached to the picture said, “I took a shit so big it won an Oscar!” I laughed so hard I thought I might…well, take a shit so big…(Yes, I said it, and I’m not proud…)

What made the joke even funnier is that he is holding an actual Oscar won for ‘No Country For Old Men’ (speaking of taking shits so big…) Just kidding. This Oscar was from ‘The Bourne Ultimatum.’ I won’t say who won it or what it was for, to keep them from a possible embarrassing moment knowing that their prestigious award is the butt of a shit joke, (no pun intended). Who knows they may get a kick out of it too. A ton of people have surprised us with wanting to participate in our game!

Now I know there are going to be some people out there who are grossed out by this and for them I say, DON’T READ IT. Humor comes in different styles, genres and tastes. Some people like shit jokes, some don’t. But as a lifelong student of comedy I try to take in all styles and all types and if it doesn’t suit me I can usually be assured that somebody, somewhere is laughing.

So now it’s your turn. CAN YOU BE FUNNIER THAN JAKE?. This is a great exercise juxtaposing contrasting elements and for understanding that nothing is off limits. Give it your best shot…to get you started, here are some of the ones already in play:

I took a shit so big:
– Don King promoted it.
– Michael Bay directed it.
– Tom Arnold married it.
– It sacked Tom Brady
– You could see it from the Space Shuttle.
– It was insured by Lloyds of London
– It only gets three miles-per-gallon.
– France gave it to the U.S. as a gift.

Have fun!

Please Share Your Comments! Love to hear from you!

Mark Crimi says:

I took a shit so big my ass threatened to leave me.

Mark Crimi says:

I took a shit so big…there are now 8 continents

Dan says:

I took a shit so big…
-It has its own website.
-Twitter can’t re-tweet it.
-MySpace is out of space.
-Google charges $100 per click.
-Playboy added eight panels to the centerfold.
-It won the Congressional Medal of Honor.
-Mississippi was awarded a Purple Heart.
-Arnold said, “I won’t be back.”

Dan says:

I took a shit so big…
-Cecil B. Demille needed a larger film crew.
-Livingston presumed to pioneer it.
-Lewis and Clark explored it.
-Chaplin made it a “talkie”.
-Nicolas Cage considered it a national treasure.
-Harrison Ford declared it a clear and present danger.
-It was stolen in “Ocean’s 14″.
-William Shatner directed it in “Star Trek 8 – The Apology”.
-Jabba the Hutt could ski on it.
-The IRS allowed it as a deduction.
-It cast a shadow on the moon.
-Osama bin Laden now hides in it.
-John McCain is no longer looking in Hell for Osama.
-Joe Biden is having hair plugs put on it.
-It was the deciding vote for Al Franken’s Senate seat.
-It became subject to a 90% bonus tax.
-Oliver Stone exposed it as a conspiracy.
-Clark Gable said he DID give a damn.
-Even ACORN couldn’t register it to vote.
-Skunks distilled it as perfume.

Dan says:

I took a shit so big…
-It’s now a tourist attraction.
-It echoed for hours.
-Morse added it to the code.
-The Matrix lost Zion.
-It has a gondola ride.
-It was named a national park.
-Jack didn’t need the beanstalk.
-Ireland’s no longer green.
-It raised the Titanic.
-It’s now the “Bermuda Pyramid”.
-The Self-Destruct process took 4 weeks.
-California beaches are 3 miles wider.
-It’s now the tallest ride at Six-Flags.

Jake says:

I took a shit so big…

-It pinned The Undertaker.
-It hosted the Olympics.
-Ashton Kutcher tried to Punk it.
-It scared Stephen King.
-VH1 gave it a reality show.
-Valerie Bertinelli lost it with Weight Watchers.
-It went from The Cowboys to The Bills.
-It came with an umbilical cord.
-People base-jump from it.

Dan says:

I took a shit so big…
…Everest is now just a hill.
…Freight trains took a detour.
…Preparation H offered me a grant.
…Sarah Palin can no longer see Russia.
…Survivor was canceled; no survivors.
…Boston started a new Big Dig.
…Mick Jagger’s lips are now in second place.
…The Daytona 500 was raised to 1,000.
…We can drive to Hawaii.
…Joe Biden was speechless.

Jake says:

Oh yes, I have picked up the gauntlet!

I took a shit so big…
-Next year, Obama will attend the G21 Summit.
-Like an iceberg, 90% of it’s mass is below the waterline.
-I was fired as it’s CEO.
-It got 70 billion in bailout money.
-It affected the earth’s rotation.
-Leonardo DiCaprio put solar panels on it.
-Roger Ebert gave it 2 thumbs up!
-It has it’s own gravitational field.
-High tide came early.
-Africa ran out of flies.
-Richter had to buy a new scale.
-Jack, Kate and Sawyer got LOST on it.

Dan says:

I took a shit so big…
…the temperature on Mars rose by 0.1 degree Celsius.
…Norton named a new virus after it.
…hackers tried to exploit it.
…Microsoft released it as a .NET version.
…Google Earth had to map it.
…Trojan renamed their “jumbo” to “kinda large”.
…aliens arrived to spray galaxy freshener.
…elephants said “Damn”.
…Victor Buono wrote a poem about it.
…North Korea threatened to nuke it.
…the U.N. is issuing sanctions.
…the International Court accused me of genocide.
…Montezuma called off the revenge campaign.
…Smitherenes declared, “don’t blow it here.”
…Samsung is releasing a wider HD screen.
…Shelley Winters sent a “thank you” note from the hereafter.
…anti-matter no longer matters.
…Brando said, “The horror.”
…Vito Corleone couldn’t refuse it.

jokedoctor says:

I took a shit so big, they set the doomsday clock forward a full minute!

Dan says:

I took a shit so big…
…even Mayor Ray Nagin sent busses.
…New Orleans truly became a Chocolate City.
…FEMA showed up with plumbers’ friends, a day later.
…Alcatraz is now a penninsula.
…the Sahara Forest is back.
…the Grand Canyon is now The Ditch.

Dan says:

I took a shit so big…
…anacondas went on strike.
…Jurassic Park is sending their vet.
…New Orleans now has a new levy.
…Don Rickles was insulted.
…my stretch limo needed a 4th axle.
…Osama is training more pilots.
…Tommy Chong had to order a larger joint paper.
…Dr. Richter called to say I bent the needle.
…Jared sent me his Subway diet plan.

Dan says:

Robbin: Holy Shit, Batman!
Batman: Yes, Dan just did a big one.
Robbin: How big is it?
Batman: To the Bat-Plane, Robbin, we need to stay above the tsunami.

Dan says:

…the D.O.T. assigned my ass a new exit number.
…my slogan changed to “I’m #1 in the #2 business”.

Dan says:

…Charmin gave me a volume discount.

Dan says:

I took a shit so big:
…flies radioed for reinforcements.
…my bank deemed it “too big to fail”.
…a cow sued me for unfair competition.
…my lawyer quit due to “diminished capacity”.
…Iran volunteered to refine it.
…the Jolly Green Giant retired early.
…it clogged 8 septic tanks and the 405 freeway.
…Pepto Bismol sent me a bill for services rendered.
…it replaced Gomer’s Pyle and Gilligan’s Island in the TV Hall of Fame.
…it made it on page 1… thru 12.
…the House and Senate voted for it without reading it.
…the IRS issued a new crapital gains tax.

Dan says:

I took a shit so big, the Post Office issued a new zip code. It gives the term “going postal” new meaning, and now I’m the butt of postal jokes.

Rob says:

I took a shit so big, it got a stimulus check!