Got Haters? Stay True, Practice and Turn it Into Opportunity

bullying in school

I have a student who emailed me recently about people hating on him.

He’s a little awkward on stage. He’s working on it, but he comes across as the guy next door or maybe the ‘creepy’ guy next door.

I see a lot of promise in him. He reminds me of Comedian George Miller; Miller was awkward, always wore sweaters. Made 56 appearances on Late Night with David Letterman.

comedian george miller

My student lives in a small town in Canada, doesn’t have a lot of friends, but works hard on his writing. Problem is, when you live in a small town, it’s hard to get stage time.

But he keeps at it.

He’s got a lot of the locals including the local club owner who constantly berate him. They put him down, they tease, they pick.

He said, “Jerry, you’ve got to help me. I just have these guys totally hating on me all the time. What do I do?”

Stay true. Keep working. Keep practicing. Beat them to the punch.

The Bullies Made me Do It!

I despise bullies. I was bullied as a kid. I remember one of the bullies getting me in a headlock on the school bus in New York and just punching away at my head while other students just sat there watching. (Maybe that explains why I’m so weird!).

That wasn’t the only time I was bullied, but that’s the one that really stands out, because one of the people standing there watching was my older brother.

We were raised in a loving compassionate family. Not a fighting family. We didn’t know how to fight. So I don’t blame my brother. He didn’t have a skill set to know how to deal with that situation.

I can zero back on that moment on the bus with laser beam focus. That’s why I despise bullies.

But…

I often wonder if I would’ve ever become a comedian if it wasn’t for those bullying moments. I often think that’s why learned to joke and to beat the jerks to the punch with humor.

It’s Impossible to Dislike Someone Who Makes You Laugh

There’s an old saying, “It’s impossible to dislike someone who makes you laugh.”

By the 8th grade, I was getting funny. I learned from another kid in my class, Andrew Madejczyk. (pronounced Majezick).

Andy was fast on the draw. He mostly did wordplay stuff but was always getting laughs in class.

I realized that I was usually thinking the same thing he was, but I just didn’t say it out loud.

I always thought it was so funny that a word that was intended to mean one thing could so easily mean another thing.

That’s when I understood the 9th Laughter Trigger; coincidence. We laugh at coincidence. We love it!

I realized that nobody was getting Andy in headlocks and punching him on the bus… well, mostly because he didn’t take the bus, but he wasn’t really ever bullied.

Probably because he was always making them laugh.

I thought, I need to get funnier before someone headlocks me again.

My parents had a lot of comedy albums at home. George Carlin, Richard Pryor, mostly. My neighbors had Bill Cosby. Their parents didn’t let them listen to Carlin and Pryor because they weren’t appropriate and Bill Cosby was.

–Who’s appropriate now, bitches?!

I memorized George Carlin albums. I realized that when Carlin repeated slogans from commercials that people identified with, the audience laughed.

That’s the 3rd laughter trigger; recognition.

I was beginning to understand. Now if I can only use it to get a laugh…

“Hey Jerry! What’s the Story?”

I used to get teased at school just because of my name. There was a commercial that ran on the local TV stations. It was for an appliance club store called JGE Appliances.

The commercial would feature this blue collar type guy standing in front of a wall with a sign that simply said “JGE.” He was wearing a t-shirt, jeans and a hard hat.

Someone from offstage would shout, “Hey Jerry. What’s the story?”

Then in a Brooklyn accent, the hard hat guy would say, “The story is you come to JGE with the right make or model unit number you wanna buy. Show your union or civil service card at the door and you’re in, because JGE is not open to the general public. Only Union members and their families.”

Offstage Voice: “So that’s the story?”

Then he would shout: “That’s the stoooorryyyy!” He’d lean back with his arms wide and his t-shirt would rise up revealing his bare stomach.

That was the commercial.

Nobody Can Make you Feel Inferior Unless You Give Them Permission

The thing is; my name is Jerry.

At least 3 or 4 times a day, people at school would shout out, “Hey Jerry! What’s the story?”

I used to really annoy me. I hated it! It would make me feel stupid and awkward, especially when people would laugh. I felt like they were laughing at me.

My Mother said to me, “Nobody can make you feel inferior unless you give them permission.”

What could I do that wouldn’t make me feel inferior?

I did what Carlin did. I memorized the commercial. I thought if they laugh when Carlin repeats a commercials slogan, maybe they’ll laugh when I repeat the commercial too.

I practiced the commercial at home made sure I had it down. I went back to school the next day and while walking in the hall someone yelled, “Hey Jerry, what’s the story?”

In my best Brooklyn accent, I let it rip. I said, “The story is you come to JGE with the right Make or Model unit number you wanna buy, show your union or civil service card at the door and you’re in! Cuz’ JGE is not open to the general public, only to union members and their families…”

I waited.

Several people shouted in a sorry demonstration of unison: “So that’s the story?”

I said, ‘Dat’s the stooooorryyyy!!!” I raised up my shirt and showed my belly.

It got huge laughs… and you know what?

It no longer bothered me that people shouted “Hey Jerry, what’s the story?!”

I looked forward to it and I haven’t had my head in a headlock ever since.

There are always going to be haters…

Stay true, keep writing, keep practicing and beat them to the punch.

The Perfect Opportunity

east side comedy

My family moved out of New York when I was 13. Years later I went back to get into stand-up. The first club I auditioned at was East Side Comedy in Huntington, Long Island.

The club owner, Richie Minervini, was also the emcee. He said to me, “What do you want me to say about you?”

I said, “Just say, ‘This next guy is from California and his name is Jerry.'”

He said, “That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Minervini brought me up. “This next guy is from California. His name is Jerry.”

I took the mic and said, “My name is Jerry.”

Some guy in the crowd said, “Hey Jerry! What’s the story?”

The crowd laughed.

I did my thing… they laughed again…

… and for the rest of the night.

Thank you, bullies!

Develop a Strategy to Avoid Killing the Momentum in Your Career


bridge-new-yorkEver go on a road trip with friends or family. You leave at a certain time and you expect to arrive at a certain time. So in your head you plan what happens when you get there.

If you’re going skiing, you know you’ll have time to stop at your favorite restaurant before you head up to the slopes.

If you’re camping you know you’ll have time to pitch the tent, get the fire going, cook some grub and crack a beer. But then…

Traffic stops. It doesn’t even move. There’s no off ramp. Other people are shutting off their cars. Truckers are getting out of their cabs. That’s never a good sign.

It’s a momentum killer.

That’s what happens when you stop taking action in your career.

When I started in show business, I was an actor. I had the fortunate experience of watching my Dad go through his career as an actor. There were ups and downs. Sometimes the downs were really down.pat-corley-murphy-brown

There were slow periods followed by an actor’s strike then a writer’s strike. My parents had to sell their house during that one.

Eventually my Dad hit the big job. A series regular on a show called “Murphy Brown.” Which was a top 10 show for many years. He was on that show for 10 years. The struggle paid off and he and my mom were set for life.

But the downs were brutal.

I said, “That’s not gonna happen to me.” Now it’s one thing to say that in a matter of wishful thinking and it’s another to take action. So right after I said, “That’s not gonna happen to me,” I said, “How can I make sure that doesn’t happen to me?”

In my 20’s I had flaming red hair. I was booking commercials like crazy. Then at some point, my hair started to recede. I wasn’t booking as many as before.

One of my casting directors, Sheila Manning, said, “We love you Jerry, but with that baby face and receding hairline, we just don’t know where to cast you.”

I was suffering the Ron Howard effect.

Some if you will be too young to understand this, but Ron Howard was an actor before he was a director and producer. He had–and still has–a baby face and is completely bald on top. It was hard to cast him with that look. He knew it, so he did a lateral move into directing.

I thank my lucky stars for Sheila Manning, her support and her honesty made me understand that it wasn’t my acting and that I had to figure out a solution to be able to make money without giving up on my creativity.

I thought was else can I do and still be in show business?

I saw an ad for a comedy class and I enrolled. I learned some joke writing concepts.

I eventually left the class because the teacher yelled at me for helping a fellow student.

I know, weird right?

Immediately I started to go to open mics, then I studied all the comedians who made me laugh. I mean really broke it down. I applied 4-8 hours per day to writing jokes and studying comedians.

Then went to 7-10 open mics a week. I noticed that all the comedians I liked had a definite structure to their material. I counted the amount of laughs they got per minute and what triggered the laugh.

I noticed that out of the 20 comedians I was studying, there were definite patterns.

I studied The Tonight Show and the monologue. Recorded the shows. I wrote down the monologue jokes word for word and studied them.

I again noticed repeating patterns in the writing.
I started to write the first parts of the jokes and write my own punchlines. (I never used them, but it was great practice).

Soon I was writing jokes right from the news. At first I struggled with them.

Then I figured the structure and subsequently a process to writing everyday.

The process was paramount!

The process became a system of steps that I applied each day to writing current event jokes. I got this idea when I was learning more about computers.

I figured since I was going to be working a lot with computers, I should know something about how they work. One of the earliest explanations I read was that a computer executes a series of steps automatically to power up and that those steps occur each and every time.

And the computer did this no matter who turned it on or what mood that person was in.
So I realized that if I could apply this process to my joke writing.

Sort of a step1-step 2-step 3=Joke.

Eventually, I started to write jokes on automatic and I was writing a lot of them. Sometimes I’d get really edgy with the jokes and I knew they weren’t right for The Tonight Show, but I went to the Comedy Store and I gave it to a comedian, l (can’t mention his name contractually), whose voice I thought it fit. He did the joke, it got a laugh; a really big laugh!

He said he would buy the joke from me.
I learned I could write more jokes and sell them to other comedians and other places that bought jokes.

Sometimes I would just give jokes away to other comedians I knew couldn’t afford to buy them. That only helped to enhance and spread my reputation as a good joke writer.

Greeting card companies, radio syndicates, other comedians. The more I wrote, the more I sold. Then through reputation people started calling me to write material for them.

I was still performing in the clubs at night. One day I got a call from Jay Leno. He had just started doing The Tonight Show.

He tested me right on the phone! Told me a headline from the news that morning and asked me what I would do on that?

Little did he know, I was up that morning writing my jokes and I just happened to write a joke on that exact headline he gave me!

I told him the joke. He laughed. Then hired me on the spot as a contributing writer to The Tonight Show.

Some people say it was “luck.” But really? What is luck? Luck is opportunity meets preparedness!

And that comes from getting busy and staying busy. Setting goals and going for them. Creating a process and a routine so you don’t have to wait for inspiration, instead you can create inspiration. Then taking action so you can avoid killing the momentum in your career.

If you’re good you will work, but you gotta get to work. You’ve got to take action.

Voice Typing: Google Docs Secrets to Improve Your Writing Efficiency

google-docs-tutorial-still
Have you ever lost a writing document on your computer after spending hours revising it? You look and look and for the life of you, you cannot find that document!

Few things are more frustrating, except…

Losing years worth of writing documents when a hard drive crashes.

Or have you ever been out and about and a friend calls and needs a copy of a revision of a document? Or a spreadsheet or a presentation? And you wind up saying something like, “I’ll get it out to you as soon as I get back to my computer…”

Or have you ever wanted to collaborate on writing with someone and you get confused about sending each other drafts of each other’s work and you get confused about which draft you’re on or who wrote what?

Or finally… do you hate typing? Do you wish there was a way you could talk and your own personal stenographer would record it and type up all the pages and send them to you?

Well, what if I told you that I have a tool that will solve all those problems. Better yet, what if I told you that the solution was 100% free?

That’s the subject of the video I have for you today. It’s 7-minutes. It will help you see how you can use this very tool and it’s right under your nose every day.

This tool will help you totally improve your writing efficiency, get more efficient, never lose documents and collaborate with anyone in real time. I think you’ll dig it! Check out the video below, then leave me a comment and tell me how you think it might help you be more efficient with your writing!

How Do You Get Into Late Night TV Comedy Writing?

Late Night TV Comedy is Booming!

There are more stories in the news and the internet about Late Night TV than ever before. There was even a cover on Vanity Fair featuring the ten Late Night Hosts that are now on the air in the most recent programming schedule on cable and network.

Just think about it, late night used to sit in a quiet corner of the T.V. scheduled at 11:30. It was the program that people watched after the nightly news and before they went to bed.

Now it’s almost glamorous! There’s a news story pretty much every day about the genre, segments and sketches go viral (like with this ‘new’ opening for Late Night with Seth Meyers), and the hosts get splashed across the front page of Vanity Fair, arguably the elite of celebrity culture magazines.

As the news about Late Night Comedy proliferates in the media, I’ve been receiving more questions. The most common question is: How do you get into Late Night TV Comedy Writing?

You’re going to have a love-hate feeling about how simple the answer is.

It’s… (sound of drum roll, then Tympani, building, building… still building and ending urgently with a climactic… sound-effect of a fart )…

“Hard work!”

Ouch. Right? I know there are a ton of people reading this that just checked out. Which explains why there are so few people that actually make it in Late Night TV comedy writing.

As a writer for the Tonight Show with Jay Leno for 8 years, where I wrote 80-120 jokes a day, I kinda know how much work it is.

But here’s the thing. It’s not really work.

There’s an old saying. If you love what you do, you never work a day in your life.

So if you’re writing jokes all day every day, it’s not really work is it? Especially if you have a process, like the listing technique. (Get a free tutorial of the listing technique here.)

But I know you’re probably reading this to get better answers and I know most people look for a process or steps to help them succeed so I’m going to do my best to map that out for you based on what I did and saw others do.

Step 1: Treat yourself like a professional NOW.

This is one of the best pieces of advice I ever received–besides “You should trim down there!”

The advice was told to me by my comedy writing coach, Gene Perret, (Emmy-award winning comedy writer).

So what does treating yourself like a professional NOW actually mean?

To me that meant that I designed a schedule like I was going to work.

Right now, do you have a day job? Do they give you a schedule so you know what days and times you are working? Do you diligently show up at those designated times? Go to lunch at the designated time and end your day at the designated time?

If you answered ‘yes’ to that question, now ask yourself if you do the same for your writing career? If you don’t you’re not alone, but you must ask why do so many of NOT give the that kind of commitment to the job we really want?

Or maybe you would like to give your dream that kind of commitment but you leave your writing up to some kind of divine inspiration?

If you leave it to divine inspiration that’s fine, but you can’t depend on that inspiration. That type of inspiration is fleeting.

But if you set up a schedule, just like your work schedule, and you report to work on that schedule where you assign yourself writing tasks and goals, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you develop as a writer. And if you develop a process for your writing you will begin to realize that it is much more productive to create inspiration than to wait for inspiration.

When I decided I was going to break into comedy and write for Late Night and do stand up, I set up a schedule. I actually put this in my date book like it was my schedule for work.

late night tv comedy writing

From 7-11am every day I wrote jokes from the newspaper and CNN. My goal was to start with 30-40 jokes a day.

At first, I STRUGGLED to hit that goal. But after a month of consistent writing, I started hitting and surpassing that goal.

Step 2: Give daily assignments to yourself:

There’s nothing worse than sitting in front of your computer or notebook with nothing. I would set goals to write 30-40 late night (current event) monologue jokes, one sketch and one Top 10 List. The next day I might assign myself, 30-40 monologue jokes, one parody, and a desk piece and so on…

If I couldn’t think of anything to write, I would look at my recordings on my VCR (yes VCR…shut up! :-)) and I would write down all the jokes that David Letterman did, then try to make them funnier. I did this as an exercise, one day a week, just like I was at the gym doing “leg” day.

Giving yourself direction and goals is one of the best ways to crush writer’s block. Because, you know your task and you sit down to write it. Often I would assign it the day before and go to sleep at night knowing what I had to do in the morning. It helped me wake up with direction and believe it or not the subconscious gets your mind in gear while you sleep!

Step 3: Target the late night show you want to write for and watch

Believe it or not, this is a step a lot of writer’s miss. They just write jokes, but if you watch your shows and study the hosts, you’ll notice that not all hosts do all types of jokes and that their rhythms are different.

Kimmel will do a different style of joke than Fallon. Colbert will do different jokes than James Corden and if you notice from the above video, Seth Meyers might be scrapping the monologue entirely an opening with a ‘Weekend Update’-style, mock news delivery of jokes which includes more ‘drop-ins.’ (jokes that utilize visual imagery to pop the laugh).

Once you know what host uses what style and rhythm it will also make your writing more efficient.

Check your jokes against the hosts. Write their jokes out. Feel the rhythm of their jokes, study the mechanics and see how it compares to yours. Their jokes will usually start out being more economical and less wordy. This process will help you to really get more efficient.

Test your jokes with your friends or at the clubs and mics.

Step 4: Put together a submission packet

Once you become a proficient joke writer and it shouldn’t take long if you do it consistently, then you can feel like you’ve developed the chops to write for Late Night TV.

Once you feel confident about your work, put together a submission packet.

For the most part a writing packet should contain 2 pages of monologue jokes, a desk piece, and a sketch.

The details are too long and out of the scope of this blog post, but I give you a full template; an actual packet that was submitted in my Late Night Comedy Writing & Submission Course.

In the end it’s…

It’s All About Luck

In this business they often say, “it’s all about luck.” Some people equate that to ‘chance.’ I prefer to say, ‘Luck’ is opportunity meets preparedness. If you’re prepared and the opportunity arises, you’ll be the one who has the luck.

So get yourself prepared and make the luck happen!

If you’re really super interested in learning more about writing for the exploding Late Night TV industry, Sign Up for my Late Night TV Writing industry updates and stay in the loop.

How do I Get on Stage and be Funny When Everything Hurts?

microphone-comedy-light

Got a call from a young comedian today. Didn’t recognize the number, but I took the call anyway.

He said, “Thanks for taking my call. I really need some advice…”

I sighed to myself and thought… I knew I shouldn’t have answered the phone…

Then I heard his voice crack a little.

Dude was hurting.  He went on to tell me what was up. He said, “I have a show tonight. My girlfriend just broke up with me and I’m fu**ing crushed. She won’t even talk to me. What do I do?”

I thought to myself, Did you call the right number? I’m a joke writer!

Then he said, “How do I go on stage and be funny when everything hurts?”

I like to help people. I thrive in it, but when he said that, I could feel myself like, I don’t know–jump–to the occasion.

I didn’t know whether the comedian in me was feeling heroic or schadenfreude;  some kind of sadistic enjoyment that someone else was suffering.

So I took a breath and just let words come out of my mouth. I’m sure it was rambling–like these blog posts the three of you endure from me!

I said, “I’m sorry you’re going through such pain. Don’t fight it. You’re human. Embrace it.

“Allow yourself to wallow in it and experience it, but when that spotlight turns on and they call your name… it’s showtime… got it?!

“Because feeling overwhelmed by emotion is only one part of being human. Another part being able to turn on your own light, shift your emotion and give them a show, even if it’s on a fucking dime.

Because being a performer is not what we do, it’s who we are.” 

I know that might sound cliche or trite to the point of sounding ingenuous, but nothing could be truer.

When I first started in this business, one of my life changing moments occurred when I heard a joke by Rodney Dangerfield (now, you have to imagine his voice saying this joke for the best effect).

He said, “Comedy is in my blood; too bad it’s not in my material!”

And though I laughed at the punchline, it was the set up that I really felt to my bones. I thought comedy is in my blood.  And that was the moment I decided to do it for the rest of my life.

And in the rest of your life, you are going to experience ups and downs, breakups and deaths, but that doesn’t change who you are.

That light still goes on at eight o’clock and that audience has paid good money to laugh. So for that five minutes, thirty minutes or an hour, you have to bring it and bring it hard.

My talk seemed to help this young man on the phone, because his voice changed. He became animated.

“You’re right!” He said. His voice cracked again, but this time for a different reason; he was excited.

“Thank you for taking my call and thank you for the advice, man. Really!”

We hung up the phone. (Okay, didn’t really ‘hang up’ the phone. I pressed a button…)

But, if I didn’t say it on the phone, I’ll say it here: ‘Thank YOU, young comedian!’

After that call, I felt I was supposed to feel proud of myself and, I don’t know–maybe heroic?

But in that precise moment, my eyes filled with tears and I realized, that call was as much for him as it was for me.

In short, we’re human. Allow yourself to feel, to go through the ups and downs of life. But when that light goes on, give them a show and be unstoppable!

After all, being a comedian or a performer is not what you do; it’s who you are.